


tap your toe twice for yes

by onthighsbelongtotaemin



Category: SHINee
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 03:18:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10845378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onthighsbelongtotaemin/pseuds/onthighsbelongtotaemin
Summary: “do you need touches?  i’m wearing gloves so it’s ok.  tap your toe twice for ‘yes’.”  at that jonghyun began to cry, tapping his toe twice because yes, yes he need touches.  more than the man next to him could afford but he’d take whatever he could get.





	tap your toe twice for yes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katrinawritesthings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katrinawritesthings/gifts).



it happened so fast that jonghyun was on the floor before he could even take a breath.  the swirls of darkness at the edge of his vision, the breaths that came in shallow gasps, the overwhelming sense of being in danger, & the dull buzzing in his ears: a panic attack.

with trembling hands, he texted minho & jinki a ‘5’, their code for ‘help’.  jinki was the first to message back with a ‘7’ that jonghyun shook his head to as he texted back a ‘3’: no, he couldn’t take a call or text anymore.  a ‘1’ was the response & he pulled his knees up to his chest & closed his eyes, phone clutched in one hand & the other braced tight against the base of his skull as he began to rock.

jinki was on his way.

he’d been shopping for a pair of streamers for his cousin’s bike when it happened.  the aisle he now sat in was dark & smelled overwhelmingly of rubber.  two rows of bicycles stood guard above him & he hoped that no one else would witness what was happening.  too many questions & all his words had dissipated in the panic.

an eternity passed & then some before the sound of squeaking shoes grew near & he clenched tighter against the intrusion.

“finally,” a familiar voice said, followed by a dull thump to his left, “took me forever to find you.”  jonghyun’s brow furrowed in confusion.  “let me know when you’re good.  there’s an hour on the meter.”  jonghyun snorted at the joke: the parking outside was free. 

the sound of a foil wrapper being torn apart was a nice distraction & he focused on it & the subsequent sound of chewing.

“do you need touches?  i’m wearing gloves so it’s ok.  tap your toe twice for ‘yes’.”  at that jonghyun began to cry, tapping his toe twice because yes, yes he need touches.  more than the man next to him could afford but he’d take whatever he could get. 

the friction from the thick woolen glove moving in wide circles warmed his back & the breaths that had been so ragged began to gradually even out.  the movement of the glove slowly shortened out to a back & forth motion that stayed mostly on his left side, a result of the other getting distracted by their snack as the sound of foil again crinkled in the air.

jonghyun took in a deep breath, rubbing his eyes briskly against his jeans before slowly raising his head, peering down at the floor through one half-opened eye & then the other before turning his head to let it rest against his knees.   

taemin sat beside him with a nearly empty granola bar wrapper held in a bright orange glove, a knit cap that reminded jonghyun of that one character from “firefly”, & jinki’s hoodie zipped tight.  a bad day, jonghyun realized, but he had come anyway.  the urge to cry again was barely repressed & instead he just watched the younger man enjoy his treat.

taemin took the last bite before glancing over & catching him watching.

“sorry,” he said, hiding his mouth behind a bright orange palm, “haven’t had lunch.”  he swallowed & then pointed to the olive-green satchel that hung over his shoulder.  “there’s more in here if you want one.”  jonghyun shook his head & taemin nodded as he began folding the wrapper up into the neatest, tiniest square jonghyun had ever seen before tucking it into his sock.

it always amazed jonghyun how neat & organized taemin was whenever he left his house considering how messy that house was when he was there, though he understood that that was just how he dealt with his own anxieties. 

they sat in amicable silence until jonghyun felt the words that had abandoned him slowly return.

“ready,” he said softly.  taemin turned to him with a furrowed brow.

“are you sure?  we have time.”  jonghyun nodded.

“ready”.

“ok.”  taemin stood up first, a weird rolling move that had jonghyun wondering exactly what planet taemin had come from to move his body like that because it was definitely not human.

he pushed himself up slowly & didn’t miss the flinch on taemin’s face when he pressed his bare palm against the floor.

“do you want me to hold your hand?  like i said, i’ve got gloves.”  he lifted his hand & wiggled the orange wool back & forth.

“sure?”  jonghyun didn’t want to press it.  clearly this was one of taemin’s more trying days & jonghyun knew he had already done so much just by coming.  taemin lowered his head & stared jonghyun in the eyes, startling him.

“wouldn’t offer if i wasn’t.”  the gloved hand stretched out & jonghyun hesitated only a few moments more before taking it, grateful.  the contact & a shaky breath took another bit of the edge off & he let taemin lead him out of the store, squinting when they stepped out into the august sun.

taemin put his hand out for jonghyun’s keys when they got to his car & jonghyun wondered briefly how taemin would get home. 

“don’t worry about it,” he said before jonghyun could form the words to ask, “let’s just get you home.”  he nodded & handed over the keys, regretting the action later as he grabbed at the door handle around another turn that was a little too sharp.

glancing over, he noticed the gleam of something on taemin’s face, a sheen of something unfamiliar just beneath his nose.

“strawberry chapstick.  jinki’s,” he said without looking, “for the smell.  sometimes i use vaporub when i go into stores but today…”  he shrugged & jonghyun nodded, turning to look back out the window.

minho greeted them at the door with a hug that was warm & tight & in every way smelled of home.

“i’m so sorry,” he murmured into jonghyun’s hair, “my phone was off.  i’m so sorry.”  jonghyun only nodded as he was led down the hall to their room.  minho pulled him onto the bed beside them & wrapped them up in a bed sheet, turning to hold him tight & kissing his forehead.    

the next morning jinki & taemin came over, taemin still in jinki’s hoodie but without the gloves & hat.  they sat down in the living room as minho & jinki fixed coffee in the kitchen

“of all the places to have a panic attack,” jonghyun chuckled, “the bike racks.”

“totally makes sense,” taemin replied, tucking his feet up on the sofa beneath him, fists in jinki’s sleeves & resting on each knee.  “clown horns.  they literally have clown horns back there.  & bells.  & it’s always the darkest part of the store, have you noticed that?  every store with a bike section.  & the bikes just sort of hang there & they always look like they’re about to fall on you.  & the smell.”  taemin shuddered.  “a horrible place.”  the fingers tucked in the sleeves popped out & he pulled the hood over his head & began tugging on the strings.

he began to thank taemin for helping him out the other day.  the other only laughed as he shook his head & he waved his hand.

“don’t worry about it.  that’s what friends do.”  jonghyun felt his chest squeeze & a little flush on his cheeks.  taemin tilted his head.  “what?”

“you said we’re friends.”

“we are friends.”

“i just…”

“what?”

“…thought you didn’t like me.”  taemin’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“why?”

“you just…”  jonghyun shrugged.  honestly, he wasn’t sure why. 

“well,” taemin said, shifting in his seat.  “we are.  deal with it.”  a firm nod & a cheeky grin & jonghyun was laughing when their boyfriends brought them their drinks.

**Author's Note:**

> #there was this prompt i saw where person a says something like 'since we're friends' & person b looks shocked #& person a says 'what?' #& person b says 'you said we're friends!' #& honestly same #a cute prompt #& also bike sections are little vortexes into the pits of hell #there is no other place worse in a big box store #nowhere #also jonghyun's super touchy & gets kind of anxious if there isn't someone nearby to cling to #& taemin's the opposite & needs to be Left Alone a lot #jinki's a weird exception & jonghyun didn't know that so when they met it was Awkward & he thought #just watching taemin interact with jinki & minho (taem's brother) that it was personal #also anxiety is rude & makes your brain think that it's You instead of actually asking if something's wrong #so...basically it's a communication glitch #taemin actually thinks jonghyun's pretty cool #even if he shows such poor taste in dating his brother #(to which minho smacks the back of his jinki-hoodied-head)


End file.
